How to Talk to Your Children About AIDS

How to Talk to Your Children About AIDS

Because one of the main ways of being infected with HIV is through sexual contact, you must learn to talk to your children about sexuality if you are going to talk to them about AIDS.

Many parent share concerns about talking with their children about sexual matters. Some parents may feel uncomfortable because they do not know what to say or how to say it. Some feel that it will scare children or encourage them to have intercourse. Yet, most parents want their children to have accurate information about sexuality and HIV prevention that is right for their age.

Whatever your views about sexuality education, you must understand that AIDS is life threatening. To protect your children, you must overcome your discomfort in talking about sexual health. The following ideas will help you talk with your child.

Basic Guidelines

Parents are the primary sexuality educators of their children. Children want to talk about sex with their parents and they want to hear your values. Don't be afraid of being old-fashioned or embarrassed. You can tell your children that you find it hard to talk about these subjects but that you are doing it because you love them.
The most important step you can take is to say the first words. Children do not always ask questions about sexuality. So you must begin. Start after watching a television progra, after listening to news on the radio, or after reading a magazine or newspaper article about AIDS.
Try to answer questions as they come up. It is never a good idea to tell children that they need to wait until they are older before you will answer their questions. If you don't know how to answer a question, tell your child you will look it up and tell them later. And be sure to do so. With an older child, you might go to the library and look up the information together.
Throughout your conversations, be sure to talk about the joys of human sexuality. This might include telling them that sexuality is natural and healthy, that loving relationships are often the best part of life, and that intimate experiences can be a wonderful part of adult life.
Let your children know that they can always ask questions. Let them know you love them and want to help, even if they do things you may not like.
Know what is being taught about human sexuality and HIV/AIDS in your schools, churches, temples, and youth groups. Encourage these organizations to include sexuality and AIDS education in their youth programs.
When you talk with your children about sexuality and AIDS, you are telling them that you care about their happiness and well-being. You are also sharing your values. This can be one of the greatest joys of parenting.

Talking with infants and toddlers (0-2 years)

Of course, infants and toddlers do not need to know the facts about HIV/AIDS. But they are beginning to learn about sexuality, and you are their main teachers.

By naming all the parts of their body, you are teaching them that their entire body is natural and healthy. ("This is your arm. This is your elbow. This is your vulva/penis. This is your knee.") By reacting calmly when they touch their genitals, you are teaching them that sexual feelings are normal and healthy. By holding them, hugging them, talking with them, and responding to their needs, you are laying the groundwork for trust and open discussions.

Talking with preschool children (3-4 years)

Children at this age are learning about their bodies. They learn about their world through play. They begin to ask questions about where babies come from.

They can understand simple answers. They do not understand abstract ideas or adult sexual behaviors. They can learn simple things about health, such as bathing, washing their hands, brushing their teeth, eating good foods, and napping. They can begin to accept the need for privacy.

The best thing a parent can do at this age is to create a home where children will feel free to ask questions about their bodies, health, and sexuality. Children will then learn that sexuality is one of the things they can talk about in their homes.

Talking with young children (5-8 years)

Children at this age understand more complex issues about health, disease, and sexuality. They are interested in birth, families, and death. They have probably heard about AIDS from television, friends, or adults.

They may have questions or fears about HIV/AIDS. They may have heard that people get AIDS from being bad. They understand basic answers to questions based upon concrete examples from their lives.

If your children cuts their finger and blood appears, you have an excellent opportunity to explain how germs (things that make you sick) can get into the blood system from cuts in the body. If they are in a school with a child who is infected with HIV, they need to know that they cannot get AIDS from playing, studying, eating with, or talking with that child.

Talking with preteens (9-12 years)

Because of the strong social pressures that start at this age, it is important that you talk about HIV/AIDS regardless of what you know about your children's sexual or drug experiences. As a concerned parent, you must make certain your children know about prevention now.

Children at this age are going through puberty changes. They are concerned about their bodies, their looks, and what is "normal". For some, this time marks the start of dating, early sexual experiences, and drug experimentation.

During the changes of puberty, preteens are very curious about sex and need basic, accurate information. They need to know what is meant by sexual intercourse, homosexuality, and oral, anal, and vaginal sex. They need to know that sex has consequences, including pregnancy, diseases, and HIV infection. They need to know why sexual intercourse is an adult behavior and why it is a good idea for young people to wait to have sex. They need to know how HIV is transmitted, how it is not transmitted, and how to prevent transmission, including talking about condoms.

This may seem like a difficult task, but it will give you a chance to teach your children the values that you hope they will adopt in their lives. It is also the time to let your children know that they can come to you with questions about HIV/AIDS or sexuality.

Talking with teens (13-19 years)
You should tell your teenagers and preteens that the best way to prevent HIV infection is by not having any type of sexual intercourse or using any type of drugs. At the same time, you should share your values about sexual behaviors.

Many parents want to tell their children to wait to have intercourse at least until they are no longer teenagers. But most children are not waiting. In fact, the majority of Americans have intercourse by their twentieth birthday. Therefore, most parents also want to make sure that their children can protect themselves against pregnancy, and sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV.

You can talk to your teens about the full range of sexual behaviors that people find pleasurable. Many of these activities are "safer sex"--not transmitting HIV or causing pregnancy. They include kissing, hand holding, caressing, masturbation, and other sexual behaviors that do not involve the exchange of body fluids.

Social pressure to try sex and drugs are often very strong for teens. All young people must, therefore, know that:

not having sexual intercourse (abstinence) is the best method for preventing HIV infection. It is also the best method for preventing other sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy.
lifelong monogamy with an uninfected and honest partner is as effective in preventing HIV infection as abstinence.
teenagers that have intercourse must use latex condoms for each and every act of intercourse, including oral sex, anal sex, and vaginal sex. Condoms are very effective in preventing pregnancy and diseases. In fact, using a condom is 10,000 time safer than not using one.
teenagers should avoid all drugs including alcohol. Drugs and alcohol impair good decision-making and may suppress the immune system. Sharing needles of any kind puts people at risk for HIV. This includes using needles for injecting drugs, skin-popping, injecting steroids, piercing the ears and body, and tattooing.