Now What Do I Do?

Now What Do I Do?

This booklet is for you - parents of children ages 10-12.

This is a confusing time for your pre-teen children. Their bodies are changing, their friends are becoming more important, their thoughts and feelings are growing more mature, and they are getting more interested in sexual topics.

SEXUALITY

Sexuality is part of our entire being; it is not just what we do with our genitals. It includes all those things in a person's life that relate to being a boy or a girl, a woman or a man. It is shaped not only by our bodies and our feelings, but also by our culture and religion.

Parents are the ideal sexuality educators for their own children. Once upon a time parents could sit a pre-teen child down to have "THE TALK." They would explain the wonder, mystery, delight, joy - and perhaps the dangers - of sexuality. Perhaps the child was hearing about sexual matters for the first time. If that time ever existed, it no longer does.

Books, magazines, radio, TV, movies, music videos, advertising, computers - and, of course, their friends -all teach our children about sexuality. And most of us do not like all of the messages our children are getting. Parents want to talk with their children. And children want to hear from their parents.

Talking with our children about sexuality is made even harder because very few of us had parents who sat down and talked with us about sexuality. It wasn't really their fault; they -and their parents - probably had an even harder time learning about healthy sexuality than we did. Hardly any schools were allowed to pick up where parents left off. Now, with our own children, we want to teach and protect them, and help them prepare for their adult lives as sexually healthy people.

THE GOAL: Helping our children grow up to become sexually healthy adults

As parents, we want to help our children grow up with healthy feelings about sexuality - their own and that of others. We want to help our children grow up to become "sexually healthy adults" - to understand the joy, passion, love, comfort and intimacy that healthy sexuality can provide. How do we help our children grow up to become sexually healthy, happy, loving adults? To start, we need to think about where we want to end up.

Too often our focus - and the media's focus - is on what is sexually un-healthy. We know we don't want our children to get HIV/AIDS or other sexually transmitted diseases (STD), get pregnant, or get hurt by a failed romance. We don't want them to grow feeling fear, shame, or guilt about sexuality. But just as it is important to help our children know what we do not want for them, it is even more important to help them learn what is involved in healthy sexual values, beliefs, and actions.

Being prepared

Few people know all of the facts about sexuality. That is perfectly okay. At the end of this booklet you will find places to help you get more facts. What is most important is that you, as parents, are able to discuss sexuality with their children with some comfort.

When you are caught on the spot, you often feel like saying "Now what do I do?" When you feel forced to respond to certain issues without having thought about what you want to say, you may later regret the messages you sent. Such responses often send the same negative signals our own parents sent us in our youth. Parents who decide ahead of time what messages they want to send are better prepared to respond to pre-teen's actions and questions. Thinking ahead and taking time will make you make that right response - one that says what you want to say. Practicing and rehearsing answers to sample questions and actions will help put you more at ease.

Messages

In this booklet, the term "messages" is often used. What we say and how we say it - and what we don't say - all send messages about our values and beliefs. All of our lives, we receive both verbal and nonverbal messages about sexuality. Even if we do not say something, the look on our face can send a strong "message." The messages that parents send to children and pre-teens often have a lasting impact. It is vital that communication between parent and child be both open and positive - and that it begin as early as possible.

Puberty

Communication

Format

The Situations:

AIDS and STD's

Am I Normal?

Contraception

Clothes and Makeup

How Do I Know If I'm Gay?

Gender Issues

How do You Know if You're in-love?

Masturbation